Mrs Goody Two Shoes IV

So much for being polite

Some female rituals can be quite frightening -- kitty parties, for example

It was my first time. I was stepping into uncharted territory and I was super conscious about doing things right. I had been wondering the whole of last week if I fit into the demographics at all or not, but nonetheless, as in the many other things, I had already made the commitment and been dragged into the orgy of pink lipsticks and heavy jewellery, of chiffons and silks.
I blame my extremely good upbringing for this. I mean, for the fact that I had landed myself in this mess of all things I propose to stand against. What had conspired was simple. The bell rang one evening and Mrs Bhasin made an entry with aplomb. We looked such an anti-thesis to each other -- she in her over-dressed plumpness, a thick fog of perfume hanging around, and me looking like a scraggly alley cat, lying on the sofa like a recluse munching on a leftover piece of chocolate, devouring Ralph Fiennes in the '92 version of 'Wuthering Heights'.
Mrs Bhasin's conversations never have introductions, her questions are mostly rhetorical. She swooped in on me, "You don't have any friends, no? Nothing to do in the evenings? Oh ho, why I hadn't thought of that before?" "That's not really true and I don't see why you have to even bother thinking about that," is what I had hoped I could say, but instead, I gave her that well-remembered Puss in Boots look from 'Shrek'.
"You have to, have to come this Saturday evening to my kitty party. I have organised a big thing, you know? And I am taking out my best dinner set also!" she was full of glee. I so wanted to get her out of the house, and because of my erstwhile mentioned upbringing, the "Of course" just slipped out.
That Saturday, I was in the sets of one of the Ekta Kapoor serials. Or something grander. The ladies were dressed to kill (you would die if you actually saw the heavy coating of foundation, matching bag-shoe-sari-eyeshadow).
Shriek: "Ooooh! Mr Bhasin is soooo romantic. He gave you heart-shaped diamond locket for birthday?"
Gloating: "New shoes, Latika? But I have told my husband's (no name taking and all) big brother to get me Manolos."
Drawl: "I am so bored with the Mercedes, I'm going in for an Audi this month."
They made it all sound like grocery, and I couldn't, of course. Their only other topic was Hindi serials, in which I couldn't participate, of course.So, at the end of the ritual, my head was in a tizzy. Clueless in a gang of raving females, with no diamonds or Audis in sight of my life for miles, I was being smothered. I think I even muttered in a very filmy fashion, "Mein kaun hoon? Mein kahan hoon?"